I've been in and out of my emotions today. It's like it's a good day but I feel something lingering over me. I'm not necessarily sad. But today just isn't easy.
A lot of people have been coming to me lately and speaking about Keemari and honestly it's still hard for me to even speak on. I remember maybe a month after I lost her, she came to me in a dream, she told me everything was going to be okay, and from there I kept pushing.
I never have anything really sad to say because I can't be. She or my grandmother won't let me be.
All I can say to those who are still feeling extremely low is to sit down, in a quiet space, and talk to her. Get in touch with your spirituality. She can still hear you, and though she is no longer able to communicate with you verbally, and her physical presence isn't here (which is what makes me cry) I know she is here, she is still gassing me up, and we still can do "guy talk" and "life talk" just as we used to.
Dear Keemari,
I miss you so much, and I thank God everyday for the moments we were able to share, the conversations we were able to have. We had grown so close, and you were snatched away from me it feels like. We were about to meet up and plan our birthdays out, outfits and everything, just like we did every year in high school. You were the reason for my smile a lot of days, you were there for me in a particularly hard time in my life, and I don't think I would have made it through without you.
We were apartment hunting for your transfer to Oshkosh, we would laugh and joke about how goofy we were with our mothers.We spoke about how we would spoil them for mothers day this year, and all we had planned for the year.
We felt special because our names were cute and gave each other the greenlight to name our children after each other.
I had just spoken to you,
But I know I can't keep crying, and I know I can't give up because you wouldn't have that AT ALL, "That's Not What We Do." Is what you would always tell me.
Stay strong, stay prayed up.
I love you forever and ever Kee.
***Thank You To Momma Keegan Teale for always responding when I text, for allowing me to be there, for being there for me, and for showing me the true definition of strength.